Thanks to Mike, I'm currently listening to several new tracks by a band I adore: The Decemberists. Even though it's 4.20am, and I'm drunk and tired after DJ'ing at Q + A tonight, I'm loving the tracks I'm listening too. I wonder how long it will be before the album's released locally?
If you check out Mike's blog, he not only talks about The Crane Wife, The Decemberist's new album, but provides links so that you can listen to several of the key tracks from it yourself.
So, thanks Mike.
But simultaneously, I have to say, upfront, that I'm incredibly jealous of you.
I've been single since May 2000, following the spectacular disintegration of my last major relationship. Since then there's been a succession of one night/hour stands, a few briefs flings, and a handful of awkward and unconsumated crushes, but nothing lasting, enriching, or significant.
Last week Mike met a new bloke at Q + A, and the two of them have been spending almost every intervening day together ever since. I watched them together briefly tonight, and was struck by their comfortably physical familiarity (which as far as I'm concerned is well deserved after all the shit Mike's been through).
But at the same time, yes, I was jealous.
I was jealous because Mike only met this bloke for the first time a week ago, but yet the two of them already display a degree of intimacy that I've longed for for years.
Mike makes meeting someone, flirting with them, cuddling them, look so fucking easy.
Someone asked me tonight how I manage to keep so busy, how I juggle so many commitments and responsibilities in my life. The answer was simple - it's because all the effort and energy I'd like to pour into a relationship, I invest in other aspects of my life, to stop myself feeling so absolutely fucking lonely.
And god I'm such a walking fucking cliche that I'm actually crying as I write this, and I'm probably going to cry myself to sleep.
9 comments:
Damn you, Richard, you had me crying too.
More big *hugs*
You know I am surprised as you are. Meeting someone was the last think I expected. On top of that, you know as well as I that my last relationship was not as physically close in public. So, yeah, this is kinda nice.
Then again, as your Shakespeare quoting friend knows, it is early days.
Get back to listening to O Valencia! That will cheer you up.
More *hugs*
It will happen for you soon. If only I had a gay brother i could hook you up with.
*hugs*
Not Eve - no, I'm not going to delete this post now that I'm sober, despite being slightly abashed by its intensity. Let it stand as an aspect of the truth.
Mike - sorry if reading this made you cry - the last thing I want is to make you or any of my much-loved friends unhappy.
Dave - thanks, man. Truly. *hugs back*
Now I'm getting all misty-eyed again cos I'm feeling the love.
richard,
your post is cool for the very reason that plenty of us feel this way all the time, but not everyone is gutsy enough to admit it. you rock and your prince will come, i have no doubt.
x
Your openness is what makes your blog rock, Mr Watts. Chin up tiges. Remember that old saying, love will arrive when you least expect it.
Hey Richard
Don't apologise for it - wouldn't it be awful if we couldn't say "FUCK THIS. I'M LONELY." sometimes. The beautiful intelligent man is long overdue.
xxx
The comments made me cry... nice
not only are you a man of pure talent and energy but also one of pure soul. my respect to you, richard.
...and a hug when we next meet.
Despite being very different, I think you and I are very much alike in some ways RIchard... but at least you actually do something with your excess effort and energy. I just sit around a lot...
Post a Comment